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Taihing | 05-Jan-09, 1:45 PM | 感人小故事 | (908 Reads)
如果真有輪迴,我希望我下一輩子當一頭牛,只為,能馱我母親走一段路,回贖我的歉疚。

堅強的母性 一婦當關誰敢欺
小時家貧,母親帶著我們四個小孩,常被伯父母欺凌。祖母死後,伯父不准我們住在祖屋,開著鏟泥機恫言要剷平我們的家。我和弟妹哭著瑟縮在牆角,母親一婦當關,拿著掃帚橫在門前,道:「你們敢!」一個女人,為了她的孩子,是把性命也豁出去的。

這個印象,在我腦海中久久不滅。我母親雖然隻字不識,但我一直認為她是最了不起的人。很多年後,我們都長大了,也遷離了祖屋,搬到比較像樣的屋子,不必再忍受伯父母和堂哥常上門找麻煩、恐嚇。

我們雖長大了,母親卻也老了,加上動過切除乳癌的手術,身體大不如前,常常病著。當時她保護我們,現在該是我們侍奉她的時候。
弟妹都在外地念書和工作,不住在家。我工作的地方比較靠近家,所以三兩天會回家一趟,若忙,則周日才回家住一個晚上,陪陪母親。

家雖不大,但終日只有母親一人住著,卻也是孤零零、冷清清的,難怪她常說:「我是個孤獨老人。」但說這話時,並無埋怨。想來她也知道我們都忙,都有自己的世界與人生路。

母親有個壞習慣:生病時不告訴我們。當我們發現時,她總是苦笑說:「你們都有事情做,我自己熬點藥吃就會好了。」妹妹放心不下,常常提醒我:「母親有病都不講,你要多留意他的身體。」

體貼的母親 她總是委屈自己
有一天上午,接到妹妹從外地打來的電話,語帶埋怨:「你這幾天都沒打電話回家嗎?母親病了幾天,在家沒人理。」心裡好生過意不去,便急忙駕車回家,把母親載去診所。

望著病得奄奄一息、強忍痛楚的母親,突然心如刀割。為人子女,我真不孝。從診所出來,手機接到辦公室打來的電話:「喂,你在哪裡?今晚的活動,場地還沒布置好,你還不快回來?合辦單位的人要來先看場地……」氣極了,真想把電話摔掉;平常已為這些活動夜以繼日地賣命,就連偷空出來載母親看個病,也糾纏不休?

兩頭急。一邊是病著的母親,一邊是公事。母親大概也看出我神情焦急。她說:「我好很多了,你先回辦公室去吧,在路邊放下我就行了,我搭巴士回家。」

當時心裡正惦著工作未完成,母親這麼說,也就不細想,在路邊把車子停下,胡亂塞了兩張鈔票,囑她小心搭車,便匆忙駕車趕返辦公室。

一路上心裡很過意不去。諸般往事突然湧上腦海,特別是小時候,母親護著我們,以身體擋住伯父的鏟泥機摧毀我們家的那一幕。等她老了生病時,我卻因為「工作忙」,把她捨棄在路邊。

無盡的自責 竟為工作捨母親
爾後,妹妹再打電話問我:「母親怎樣了?」我把情況告訴她,她在電話一邊靜默良久,才說:「你知道,母親平時隨我們去購物廣場時,為什麼一定要我們牽著她嗎?她說她不認識字,連公共電話怎麼用都不懂,萬一走失了,她不懂如何走回家。你丟她一個人搭車,她會搭嗎?而且還生著病呢!」

我突然想起,我至少應該替她攔一輛計程車,告訴司機目的地。可是,我連這點小事也沒有做到。撥電話回家,久久沒人接聽。不懂母親是睡著了?還是還沒到家?更加自責。晚上,負責張羅的是個宗教活動,「唵嘛呢叭咪吽……」佛號不斷在耳邊縈繞,我無心去聽,心中仍惦念著:母親是否安全抵家?病好了嗎?

惦著惦著,自責愈深。像我這樣,母親縱無怨言,我又怎能輕易饒恕自己?那一小段路程而已,我竟不載母親抵家。工作真的比母親重要嗎?如果,真有輪迴,我希望我下一輩子當一頭牛,只為,能馱我母親走一段路,回贖我的歉疚。

事隔五年後的今天,或許母親忘了這事,妹妹也忘了。但我一直無法忘記。我們常常以為家人對我們的好,是理所當然的,而自己卻沒有對家人付出過,哪怕是一小段時間。
 

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